


>John: Break

by Nara



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-21
Updated: 2011-07-21
Packaged: 2017-10-21 14:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nara/pseuds/Nara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are the hero. You're not allowed to break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	>John: Break

You were the friendleader.

You were the one who had to keep everyone together. The one who knew what to do. The one who led the final charge.

You were the hero.

You didn’t have time for tears and worry. You had to pick yourself up and keep moving. Karkat was able to. You knew he was dealing with a lot. Dealing with the death of his friends. Dealing with the ruination of his victory, the loss of his species. But he was putting it behind him, as he told you to do. (You didn’t know that he was falling to pieces, that he was broken before this all began. You didn’t know that he was barely holding himself together.) So you followed his example. You kept going. You put the death of your Dad, of Rose’s mom, in the past, so you could save the future.

You kept smiling. In the face of everything you kept smiling. You couldn’t let the others down; you couldn’t let them see your fear. You couldn’t let yourself feel it. So you kept smiling.

When you found out Vriska was dead, you had no time to cry. There was no time to think about that date you never got to have, the life together that never even had a chance to start. You were too close to the end of the game, too close to the Scratch, you just couldn’t afford it. You knew there would be time later to mourn. So you choked down your heartbreak, and kept smiling. You kept going.

You had a world to save.

You watched as Rose gave her life to destroy the Green Sun. You never wanted to lose anybody else. You wish you could have done it yourself, you wish could have saved her. But there was nothing you could have done, not without dying yourself. Those still alive needed you. You were the hero - you needed to be there until the end.

You were John Egbert.

The Scratch has come and gone. The game is over. The universe has been reset. You see an alternate universe Rose engaging in a passive-aggressive strife with her mother, a different Dave rapping and rhyming with his Bro, a new Jade with an alive Grandfather shooting targets on their island. You see a John who isn’t you avoiding eating the Betty Crocker confections baked by his father who isn’t yours.

You do not know what you were expecting. You do not know if this is what was supposed to happen. But you have no place in this universe. This universe already has a John Egbert.

You have nowhere to go in the world you saved.

You do not know what happened to the trolls, or where they could go if they survived.

You do not know where your Dave and Jade are, or how to find out.

Everything you knew is gone.

But now you have time.

You finally break.

**Author's Note:**

> This little sadfic is my first foray into Homestuck fanfiction. It's also the first thing I've written that wasn't for school in over a year. I'm relatively pleased with it.
> 
> (Originally posted on ff.net under the username Black_Dragon1003)
> 
> Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie.


End file.
